Being considered an inspiration is such a tremendous honor. In complete honesty though, I basically feel like a hot mess most of the time. Before last year, I finally knew what it meant to thrive over just surviving. My passion for roller derby and working out made me feel strong and capable after a lifetime of feeling not good enough. I was planning adventures and loving the simplicity of life with friends and family.
Then a year ago this month actually, I found a lump in my breast and was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. Life as I knew it ceased to exist, and survival took on an entirely different meaning. Soapbox moment: PLEASE do your breast self checks!
After surgery, months of chemotherapy, and weeks of radiation, I am here today. I am still recovering from treatment and can't say for sure yet that I am cancer free. I still have fear, uncertainty, grief, and also anger. I share all this to say that I am still here and fighting. I am learning to embrace the hot mess of my life and live in the moment.
The timing of this honor (gift) is serendipitous, as I am searching for my feminine essence again. I am rediscovering my inner goddess, embracing the woman I am today, and finding love for the me I see in the mirror, even though my reflection is completely unfamiliar. I am falling in love with the little things that make me feel most alive and revel in the love and light of my friends and family. It is for them that I kept going, and I am thankful for the sunshine they continue to provide. As for my future, the rest is still unwritten, and I am totally here for that.